


Uncle XY's Guide to Stress-Free Babysitting

by sagansjagger



Series: Bad Dads Club [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Babysitting, Cute Kids, Enemies to Friends, F/M, Kids being jerks, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24848068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sagansjagger/pseuds/sagansjagger
Summary: All XY wanted to do was prove that he could be a good dad.He didn’t expect Adrien’s kids to give him a run for his money.Luckily, Luka was there to help.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine & XY (Miraculous Ladybug)
Series: Bad Dads Club [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767334
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	Uncle XY's Guide to Stress-Free Babysitting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Missnoodles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missnoodles/gifts).



> Welcome! If you’ve read my other stories, thank you so much! And if you’re a new reader, allow me to greet you. 
> 
> This fic is a standalone, but it may benefit you to read it in conjunction with its sister fics in the Bad Dads Club series, [Technically Techno](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24461485) and [Bar None](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24492481). That being said, if you don’t want to read that and just want to read XY babysitting Adrien’s kids with Luka, more power to you!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -Cass

"Please, Marinette?" Adrien said, clasping his hands together in front of him.

"No," she said, shifting baby Louis on her hip. The five-month-old babbled contentedly, reaching for his father. Adrien took him. "I can't believe you would trust your friend to watch the kids. This shouldn't even be a question."

"Why not?" Adrien said, tickling his son. The baby squealed and laughed. "XY just wants the chance to prove he can be a good dad. And letting him babysit children is a great way to test that."

"Why does it have to be our kids?" Marinette said, curling a hand around her hip. Two-year-old Hugo walked over to the living room, where Marinette and Adrien argued. The boy was holding a juice box he'd gotten off the snack shelf, begging for one of his parents to open it. Marinette did, popping the straw into the silver seal. Hugo wandered off into the dining room. "Can't he experiment on someone else's children?"

"He doesn't know any other parents than us," Adrien said, lifting Louis' tiny shirt and blowing on his belly, making him giggle. 

"XY is your party buddy," Marinette said, walking into the kitchen of their apartment, presumably to start dinner. Adrien followed, still carrying Louis. "I can't picture him being responsible for toddlers."

"You might be surprised," Adrien said, placing Louis on his shoulders. "And we won't know unless we give him a chance."

"I just don't want--"

"Mama, Mama, Mama!" Emma said, tugging on Marinette's pant leg after she rushed into the kitchen, followed by Hugo. "Hugo said a bad word!"

“I didn’t!” Hugo screamed, and took a long pull on his juice box.

"--anything to happen," Marinette finished, sighing. "What was the word, Emma?"

"Barf!" the four-year-old said, dissolving into raucous laughter. She threw herself on the ground and rolled around, giggling.

Adrien smiled down at his delighted daughter. "That's not a bad word, Emma. Just a rude one."

Emma stopped the display immediately and stood up. "Ohhh. Okay, Daddy!" 

Adrien turned to Marinette. “I really want to have dinner with your parents. And they’re always watching the kids for us. They need a break, too,” he said, giving her the kitten eyes. He knew she couldn’t resist the kitten eyes. Even Emma had started using the gesture. “And Alya and Nino are in Morocco visiting their kids’ grandparents, so why can’t we have XY watch the kids?”

“Because!” Marinette said, only to have Emma and Hugo take up the chorus and repeat her.

“Because!” Hugo said, grinning. “Because!”

“Because, Daddy!” Emma said, folding her little arms and stomping her foot.

Adrien shifted Louis, who blew him a raspberry. “He did get me home safely from the bar crawl.”

“He did,” Marinette said, blinking at him. “But that doesn’t mean--”

“He said he’d allow me to castrate him if he messed up?” Adrien said, reduced to begging again.

“Gross,” Marinette said, frowning. “Also, that’s not a risk I want to take.”

Adrien pursed his lips. “What if… we have someone here with him? Someone we trust?”

Marinette took Louis back from Adrien and snuggled the baby. “Like whom?”

“Luka?” Adrien said, to cries of “Uncle Luka!” Adrien grinned down at Emma and Hugo, both clamoring for his attention. He picked Hugo up, resting the boy on his hip. “What about Kagami?”

“Auntie Kagami!” Emma said, twirling around and throwing her arms out like a pretend airplane. “Yessss!”

Marinette hesitated. Adrien mentally pumped a fist. He’d won. 

“If Luka’s there,” she said slowly, placing Louis on her shoulder and patting his back, “then that should be okay.”

Adrien whooped. “Thank you, Marinette!” he said, and kissed her on the cheek. “You won’t regret this.”

Marinette eyed him critically. “I already do.”

***

XY wasn’t exactly surprised when Marinette handed him an entire binder full of babysitting guidelines. He was surprised she’d agreed in the first place, but when Adrien had told him that “Uncle” Luka would also be present during the babysitting, that had made sense.

XY hoped he’d be a good enough babysitter to get the Uncle title from the kids.

But first he had to survive without Marinette and Adrien until Luka arrived.

“He should be here already,” XY muttered, juggling the baby’s acerbic, babbled commentary with the constant demands of his two siblings. XY was clinging to the baby, relieved that the kid was old enough to hold his own head up. The babysitter had set the binder down on the counter in the kitchen, wondering when he’d have time to read it.

Louis yawned. The musician was shocked. “You have no teeth!”

“Of course he doesn’t have teeth,” Emma informed XY primly.

“Oh, yeah?” XY said, slanting a look at her. “Why is that?”

“They all fell out already,” Emma said, snickering at his apparent confusion. “I want water! Give me water!”

“Okay, okay!” XY said, nearly tripping over Hugo in his efforts to cross to the kitchen. The toddler had glommed onto the musician’s leg ever since Marinette and Adrien had left. XY dragged the kid into the kitchen with him. Emma followed.

Balancing Louis on his hip, XY opened a cabinet in search of a glass. _Baking ingredients?_

“What are you looking for?” Emma said, tilting her head at him.

“A water glass,” XY said, opening another cabinet and finding spices.

“You don’t need to find a glass!” Emma screeched.

XY turned to her, nearly unbalancing Hugo. “I don’t?”

“No!” Emma said, tears filling her eyes. “You need to find a _cup_!”

“Oh, gosh,” XY said, opening another cabinet, only to find plates.

Louis chose that moment to spit up all over XY’s shirt.

“Gross!” XY said, holding Louis out by his armpits. 

XY was beginning to realize that this was going to be a very, very long night.

“Hello?” an adult, male voice said from the front room. XY heard the door close.

“Luka! Oh, thank goodness!” XY said, shifting Louis to the other hip. “We’re in the kitchen.”

Luka strolled into the room, his hands in his pockets. Hugo, who hadn’t said a word since his parents had left, burst out with, “Uncle Luka!” 

“You took your sweet time getting here,” XY said, going for teasing in his tone, but coming out slightly bitter. The spit-up was growing cold, congealing on his shirt in a white slime.

“Hey, Kiddo,” Luka said, smiling as he ignored XY entirely. He crouched down and opened his arms. The boy immediately released XY’s leg, and ran over to Luka, only to cling on his neck. Luka kissed Hugo’s cheek.

“Uncle Luka, Uncle Luka!” Emma said, dancing around him. “Did you know that Daddy _shaves_?” 

“I shave too, Emma,” Luka said, prompting a scandalized, “No!” from the girl.

He turned to XY. “Sorry about being late, XY,” Luka said coolly. “Traffic.”

XY drew a deep breath through his nose. He smelled like rotten milk. Louis began to cry, and XY jostled him. “Sorry I accused you of being late,” XY said to Luka. “Thanks for coming to help. Clearly I need it.”

“Everyone’s first time with kids absolutely sucks,” Luka said, not without sympathy. 

“I’m huuuuungry,” Hugo said, wrapping his arms around Luka’s neck.

“I’m hungry, too,” Emma said, tugging on Luka’s jeans jacket.

“Again?” XY said, goggling at the toddlers. “You just had a snack.”

Emma threw herself on the floor with a despairing cry. “That was fifteen hours ago!”

“More like ten minutes,” XY said. Louis was still crying, and XY began to smell--to his horror--poop. The musician glanced at his fellow babysitter. “Help?”

“I’ll make the snack and take care of these two,” Luka said, crossing to the counter. “You change the diaper.”

XY’s stomach sank. “How?”

“You can figure it out,” Luka said, with a gleam in his eye that XY thought was entirely too wicked. “The changing table’s upstairs.”

“Uncle Luka! Uncle Luka!” Emma said, as XY took the still-sobbing Louis towards the stairs. “When we’re camp-outing, is the tent really big?”

XY didn’t hear Luka’s reply, just the dulcet tones of his smooth voice answering the girl’s question. 

XY had bigger concerns as he reached Adrien and Marinette’s bedroom.

Namely, that Louis had had a total blowout. He was sure that Marinette’s binder didn’t cover blowouts.

“Oh, gosh,” XY said, placing the boy down on the changing table, which was a pad resting on a bookshelf that held diapers and wipes. XY lifted the baby’s feet up to check out the extent of the problem. Louis had yellow-brown poop smeared halfway up his back, seeping through his clothes. He reeked, and was still sniffling and wriggling, spreading the feces everywhere. 

XY began to panic. “Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh…” Keeping a hand on Louis’ belly, he yelled downstairs. “Luka! Help! What do I do?”

“Take off his clothes!” came the reply.

_Oh,_ XY thought. _Duh._

Louis was wearing a black onesie with a green paw print printed on the front. XY figured out how to unclasp the snaps, and carefully--very carefully--pulled the onesie off of the baby’s squirming body. Despite XY’s best efforts, Louis ended up with poop in his peach-fuzz hair. 

_Wipes aren’t going to fix this_ , XY realized, with growing horror.

“Luka!” XY called to the kitchen. “I think he needs a bath!”

“Then give him one!” Luka called back. “Wait, no! Hold on, I’ll come up.”

XY waited impatiently for Luka to show his strong-chinned, clean-shaven face. “I’m so sorry, baby Louis,” XY said, frowning down at the whimpering infant.

Still carrying Hugo, Luka popped his head into the bedroom. Emma followed, carrying a bowl of cut-up strawberries that she was snacking on. 

“He needs a bath?” Luka said, crossing over to the changing table to peer at the boy. “You’d better let me handle that. You take care of the other two.”

Emma held her nose. “He’s stinky!” 

XY held his arms around for Hugo. The boy shook his head. “I wanna stay with Uncle Luka.”

Luka rubbed Hugo’s back. “I’m sorry, Kiddo, but I have to give your brother a bath. Can you please be a very strong boy--”

“I’m a very strong girl!” Emma interjected, crossing to XY to cling to his leg with one arm just like Hugo had done.

“--and go to your Uncle XY?” Luka said, beaming at the boy. Hugo shook his head again. “Please? For me?”

“Okay,” Hugo said, his tiny shoulders sagging. Luka passed him over to XY, who took the boy gladly. 

_Better to deal with the older two than baths_ , XY thought. “Come on, Hugo, Emma, let’s go downstairs and leave your uncle and your brother to the bath.”

“Okay!” Emma said, and released XY’s leg, to his relief. “But I get to be the line leader!” She tromped out of the room, each stomping step louder than the last on the hardwood floors.

XY followed, bewildered. 

He found himself in the kitchen again with the two toddlers. Emma started whining wordlessly and tugging on the hem of his shirt, which still stunk of spit-up. He washed his hands, and turned to Emma.

“I’m hungry,” she said, pouting.

“Weren’t you eating a snack already?” XY said, even more puzzled. He moved Hugo to his other hip. The kid was _heavy._

“It’s all gone, see?” Emma said, showing him her empty bowl.

“You’re so little! Where do you put all the food?” he said, boggling at her. “Do you have a hollow leg?”

“No! That would be silly!” Emma said, giggling. “What’s hollow mean?”

“Hollow means… Uh….” XY said, wondering if he had the wherewithal to fish his phone out of his pocket while he was holding onto a--very solid, very heavy--toddler. “You probably wouldn’t appreciate a dictionary definition, would you, Kid? Hollow means empty.”

“What’s empty?” Emma said, setting her bowl on the counter.

XY tried again. “Not full?”

“My belly is hollow,” Emma said, and XY marveled at how fast she could pick up words and use them correctly.

Hugo yawned and leaned his head on XY’s shoulder. “I’m hungry.”

“I’m huuuuungry,” Emma said, using her brother’s expression from before and drawing out the vowel.

XY sighed. “I’ll make you a snack.”

“I want cheese,” Hugo said, perking up.

“Cheeeeeese,” Emma said, poking her lower lip out. It quivered.

XY walked to the fridge and opened the door, looking for the cheese drawer. He found cheese snacks in the bottom crisper and picked two up. “Here you go!”

“Not that kind of cheese!” Emma said, stomping her foot again. “The spicy kind!”

“I don’t like spicy,” Hugo said. “I want a stick.”

Shifting Hugo so he balanced on XY’s arm so he could use both his hands, XY opened one the plastic casing of one of the cheese snacks and handed the stick to Hugo. The boy munched happily.

“I want spicy!” Emma demanded.

“Okay, okay,” XY said, and began the search for spicy cheese. He found a package of pepperjack slices in an entirely separate drawer, and held them up for Emma to inspect. “These ones?”

“Yesssss,” Emma said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

XY set Hugo down on the counter and opened the package. He peeled one of the slices off the others and handed it to Emma. She chomped down on the cheese like a Tyrannosaurus rex.

“More!” she said, making a ‘gimmie’ motion with her hands. 

XY handed her another slice. She ate that one, too.

“More!” she said.

XY gave her a third slice. “Have you had dinner yet?”

“Yes,” Emma said, sounding inordinately proud. “And I get sugar tomorrow because I ate all my dinner! Hugo didn’t, so he doesn’t get any sugar. Boooo, Hugo!”

Hugo began to cry. He clenched his fist around his cheese snack and rubbed his eyes with his closed hands. 

“Oh, hey, buddy, it’s okay,” XY said, picking him up again. “She didn’t mean to tease you--”

“Yes, I did!” Emma said.

“--and she’s going to apologize,” XY finished, giving her a Look. “Aren’t you, Emma?” 

Hugo sniffled.

“Nu-uh,” Emma said, shaking her head rapidly. She stuffed her cheese in her mouth and puffed out her cheeks.

“Please?” XY said, reduced to arguing with a toddler. 

“Nope,” Emma said, folding her arms.

“Pleaaase?” XY said, fluttering his eyelashes. “For your Uncle XY?”

“No!” Emma said, and ran away into the living room. 

XY turned to Hugo, shrugging. “Sorry, little man. I tried.”

Hugo patted his cheek. “I forgive you.”

The musician found himself smiling at the boy. “Let’s go get your sister.”

XY carried Hugo into the living room, where Emma was pulling out giant Duplo blocks from a toy chest in the corner. Hugo wriggled to get out of XY’s grip. 

“I think I want to carry myself,” the boy said. 

“Okay,” XY said, putting him down. The babysitter was relieved to have his hands free again.

“Can I carry myself?” Hugo asked, picking up a block.

“Yes,” XY said, glad to agree with the kid on something.

Hugo threw the toy onto the floor, where it bounced and landed on XY’s foot. “I don’t want to carry myself!”

XY crouched down and opened his arms. Hugo ran into them, and clung to XY’s neck. The musician stood, cradling the boy. 

Duplo blocks in hand, Emma flexed. “I am super strong!”

XY laughed, despite himself. “You are.”

“But my super strength is lost,” Emma said, wilting. “I wonder when my super strength’s gone?”

Still holding onto Hugo, XY sat down on the floor cross-legged. “I gave you my super strength!”

“No!” Emma said, pointing at him with her free hand. “My super strength is gone because I gave it all to you!”

“You gave it all to me?” XY was touched. He wondered what Marinette’s binder would have to say about that. He beamed at Emma. “Why, thank you.”

Emma stepped over to him and kissed his cheek. “I’m really happy.”

XY patted her on the head. “I’m glad, Emma.” She went back to building her towers. 

Luka entered the room with a squeaky-clean and dressed Louis. “Hey, how’s it hanging?”

“We’re good,” XY said, grinning up at Luka. “We ate another snack and the kids were kids. You?”

“All good here,” Luka said, flashing a thumbs up. “I’ll go get him a bottle, and then the kids can watch a show.”

“They’re allowed to watch TV?” XY said, eyes wide.

“Just one show!” Emma said, holding up a finger and shaking it in XY’s face.

“Yes, one show. That guideline is in the binder,” Luka said, eyes dancing. “Did you read it?”

“Marinette didn’t give me enough time to do more than skim it,” XY said, ducking his head. “The thing’s thick.”

“It really is,” Luka said, agreeing good-naturedly. “Be right back.”

After feeding the two toddlers yet another snack, XY was snuggled up on the couch with his arm around Emma, Hugo asleep in his lap. She’d cajoled the two adults into allowing her a second show, and Luka had said that he wouldn't tell if XY wouldn’t.

XY was just glad for the break.

Luka finished feeding Louis his second bottle, set it aside, and moved Louis to his shoulder to burp him.

“Hey,” XY said to his fellow babysitter. “Thanks for coming to help. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.”

Emma stared with rapt attention at the brightly-colored, CGI cartoons, so XY was certain she wouldn’t interrupt their conversation. 

Mostly certain. With Emma, he could never tell.

“No problem,” Luka said, patting Louis on the back. The baby belched, and XY smiled.

“Still, I appreciate it,” XY said, shifting a little under Hugo so he could be more comfortable. “Kids are a handful, and I never knew.”

“I love these kids,” Luka said, beaming at XY. “They do throw a lot at you at first. But babysitting isn’t so bad once you’re used to it.”

“Yeah,” XY said, cupping the back of Hugo’s head. The kid was drooling on his neck. The musician turned to his fellow musician. “Hey.”

“Mmm?” Luka said, momentarily closing his eyes. He yawned.

“I’m… sorry for stealing those outfits and the song from Kitty Section,” XY said, swallowing his pride. “That was totally uncool, and I was a real jerk about it.”

Luka hesitated, furrowing his brow. He waited to speak, and XY wanted to start jiggling his leg, but Hugo was asleep in his lap. Just when XY couldn’t bear the silence, Luka broke it.

“It’s okay,” Luka finally said. “That happened years ago.”

XY let loose a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “I’m sorry I got you akumatized.”

Luka shrugged his broad shoulders. “And I forgive you.”

“Thanks,” XY said, more relieved than he thought he’d be. Now that XY was in his thirties, he’d finally wised up enough to realize his behavior was atrocious as a teen. He’d meant to apologize to Luka years before, but the two men never seemed to be in the same room alone. 

“Uncle XY?” Emma said, placing a hand on XY’s knee. 

_She called me uncle._ XY’s heart sang. “Yeah, Emma?” he said, giving her a gentle squeeze.

Emma snuggled in closer to him. “I’m hungry.”

XY and Luka turned to each other and laughed.

***

“I don’t know where she keeps all the food,” XY said, twirling spaghetti on his fork. The restaurant was one of his favorites, and he thought he deserved to pick a favorite after what Adrien’s kids had put him through last month.

Adrien laughed. “Hollow leg?”

“That’s what I said, and then she asked what hollow meant,” XY said, stuffing the noodles into his mouth. He wiped sauce off his lips with his napkin. “Really, though, she is constantly hungry.”

“You’re telling me,” Adrien said, cutting into his chicken parmesan. “They all are.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” XY said, shaking his head. “I couldn’t, not without Luka there to help.”

“I have help,” Adrien said, shrugging. “Marinette’s a great mother.”

“I know,” XY said, grinning at his friend. “That binder was intense.”

Adrien snickered. “Definitely. So, what do you think? Are you ready to settle down and have kids of your own?”

XY hesitated. He set his fork down and took a drink of water. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

Adrien set his utensils down and leaned forward. “I’m all ears.”

XY licked his lips. “I visited an adoption agency.”

“Did you,” Adrien said, lacing his fingers under his chin. “What did they say?”

The musician sighed. “It was just a preliminary hearing to see if I qualified, but I chickened out.”

“There’s no shame in not being able to handle something like that,” Adrien said gently. “Kids are a big responsibility.”

“They are,” XY said, nodding. “Which is why I’m going to start tutoring children in music rather than considering adoption straight up.”

Adrien beamed at him. “I look forward to hearing how it goes.”

“Thanks, Adrien,” XY said, squeezing the other man’s hand. “You’ve always supported me.”

“You’re my friend, XY,” Adrien said, turning his fingers to grip XY’s. “I love my friends.”

“I love you, too, buddy.”

“Which doesn’t mean Marinette will allow you to watch the kids again...” Adrien said, his eyes twinkling. 

“Oh, nooooo,” XY said, hanging his head. “I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Adrien said, chuckling. “She won’t let you watch them again… Without Luka.”

“I’d like that,” XY said, brightening. “I’d really like that.”

“What are you doing Friday?”

“I’m free,” XY said, a slow grin spreading across his lips. “Can I watch the kids?”

“Absolutely,” Adrien said, picking up his fork and knife again.

“Thanks, Adrien.”

“Anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> Are you interested in reading or writing fanfiction? Are you looking for a community of like-minded and supportive people? Then join the [Miraculous Fanworks](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) Discord server! 
> 
> We are always welcoming new members, and would love to see you. We offer a variety of conversations, from fic discussions to writing support to fanfiction prompts. We even have monthly server-wide events and group writing projects! 
> 
> Come join today!


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